Author: John Stonestreet | Jared Hayden
A growing number of evangelicals who have never been married are not abstinent. According to research published by Ryan Burge, when it comes to sexual behavior, about 64% of evangelicals ages 25-50 reported having had at least one intimate partner in the past year. This is roughly the same percentage as mainline Protestants and those who claim no Christianity at all.
While Burge’s data does show that a majority of never-married evangelicals had no more than one intimate partner within the past year, this does not indicate they are more sexually “pure” (as if purity is on a sliding scale anyway). As my Breakpoint This Week co-host Maria Baer described in a recent article for Christianity Today, pornography use among Christians of all stripes is higher than ever, but “fewer think it is a problem.”
So, what happened to “purity culture,” that late twentieth century approach to teaching that sex should be saved for marriage so often vilified by critics? According to Burge, while “there is some evidence that purity culture does have a measurable impact on actual behavior, … it’s certainly not the dominant posture when it comes to sexual behavior.”
“Purity culture” arose in the 1990s as an evangelical reaction to a broader culture that, in more ways than ever, embraced sexual freedom as the highest good. The popular prime-time shows of the ’80s—Full House, Family Ties, the Cosby Show—had been replaced by Friends, Seinfeld, and other depictions of free, unencumbered, and highly promiscuous singles-in-the-city. Combined with a lineup of risqué teen movies, explicit lyrics in music that would make even Madonna blush, and the emergence of internet pornography, young people were being catechized in casual sex on a whole new level. Church leaders responded by promoting virginity before marriage, as the church always has, adding in tactics of pledges, purity rings, and dances with their dads instead of their boyfriends. Certainly, most efforts were well-intentioned but not always helpful, or even biblical. Other efforts led to shame, especially for young women.
Another factor was the AIDS crisis, which scared everyone. In response, parents and pastors often employed fear tactics akin to, “If you have sex before you’re married, you’ll get pregnant, or maybe even get an STD and die.” The problem with the utilitarian approach is not only that it equated pregnancy to syphilis, but that it reduced sexual morality to its consequences. A reason the “fear” approach lost its bite is that the consequences we were told to fear were largely mitigated. Magic Johnson didn’t die from AIDS and, of course, there was increased access to contraception and abortion, not to mention the “victimless” option of pornography.
Another strategy was to offer purity as a kind of bargain with God. According to what a former colleague called “princess theology,” if sex is saved for marriage, then God will write your love story, deliver a prince or princess charming and a great sex life. Though it is true that married people, especially women, do report greater happiness and sexual satisfaction, the Bible never makes these promises. Even more, few of us can ever live up to being a prince or princess for someone else, especially in the context of a culture with ubiquitous pornography, rampant abuse, and decadent pop culture. Princess theology also communicates that those who mess up are “damaged goods,” which undermines a central message of the Gospel.
In contrast, Scripture offers a far more holistic understanding of the human person. In its view, purity is not reduced to mere abstinence. Rather in Paul’s words, it is offering our entire “bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God” (Romans 12:1). Or, as a young lady in my youth group a few decades ago put it, purity is “being presentable to God,” something which only Christ accomplishes for us.
There’s no shortage of articles, books, and blogs critiquing “purity culture.” Some of these critiques are fair, but most are not. In fact, more than a few critiques of “purity culture” reject all Biblical teaching about sex and marriage and justify everything from promiscuity to homosexuality to transgenderism.
The call to sexual purity in Holy Scripture is quite plain and was proclaimed by teachers, preachers, priests, and pastors well before the 1990s. In fact, if you think the books and seminars of that era were rough, you should check out what the Church Fathers had to say about sexual purity. Or, for that matter, Paul.
The Biblical call to sexual purity is best understood and taught within a more complete picture of how God designed and destined us as His embodied, image-bearing creatures. Most importantly, it is only possible within the redeeming work of Jesus Christ, the spotless Lamb who takes away the sin of the world. Unless the call for sexual purity is anchored in these truths, it will be rare and elusive, especially today.
Thankfully, there are some tremendous resources available to help. The Birds and Bees curriculum offers consistent, age-appropriate help to parents. Sean McDowell’s book Chasing Love offers a Biblical vision of relationships and purity within the larger vision of God’s love. He is also one of the experts featured in The Identity Project, a comprehensive set of videos teaching about sex, love, and identity.