Raising Kids in a Secular Age

Talking with kids about controversial topics has always been a challenge for parents, but today, the stakes are especially high. With an increasing number of kids who have been secretly “transitioned” by public school staff or who have adopted LGBTQ identities thanks to online influences, parents must know how to navigate tainted cultural waters that are flooding the worldviews of the younger generations.  

Opting for alternatives to public education like homeschool  or private Christian schooling is a good start. But it can’t stop there. A 2022 study found that of 57,000 undergrads from 159 of the nation’s most elite postsecondary institutions, homeschooled and private schooled kids “are as or more likely to identify as LGBTQ or non-binary as those from public or private school backgrounds.”  

In other words, it’s not enough to insulate children from bad ideas, especially when insulation is accompanied by silence on issues our kids are hearing about all the time from the wider world. Of course, many parents remain silent because they simply do not know how to think about everything. And yet, as a recent Gospel Coalition article noted, silence on these issues undermines Christian formation.  

On the one hand, we could unintentionally communicate that God doesn’t care about our sexuality. If we never tell our children that God says a clear ‘no’ to same-sex sexual relationships, we could leave them to conclude that Christians can just follow their hearts. … 

On the other hand, our silence could accidentally communicate that sexuality is too shameful to discuss. They might conclude that God wants nothing to do with it because it’s dirty, or that God isn’t interested in saving their friends who identify as LGBT[Q]. 

This is the same risk churches carry when they never address cultural issues from fear of backlash for being “too political.” But when bad ideas are everywhere, the church, much like parents, must have a response. Scripture is not lacking for real direction in real time and neither should the shepherds of Christian faith be.  

A better approach than insulating kids is to inoculate them. The “inoculation” approach welcomes hard questions, encourages students to think and search for the truth, and helps them learn what it takes to find answers that are both thorough and thoughtful. The goal is to equip students how to handle bad ideas, harmful practices, and sinful behaviors, knowing that they will inevitably encounter these things in an increasingly secular culture.    

In the 1950s, researcher Dr. William McGuire suggested bad ideas operate much like viruses do, and the more exposure one has to bad ideas in a controlled setting, the less likely they are to succumb to those ideas later. McGuire performed a series of experiments in which he tried to convince subjects of a lie, specifically that brushing their teeth was bad for them. Unsurprisingly, those who received no preparation for what they were about to hear were more easily convinced to stop brushing, while those who had been warned they were going to hear a bad argument were harder to deceive.  

More surprising were those found to be easiest and hardest to dupe. The most vulnerable were not those with zero preparation, but those who’d merely had the truth reinforced. They had been told things like, “You know brushing your teeth is good for you, right? You’ve been taught this since you were little. Trust us.” When they heard arguments against brushing their teeth that they’d never heard before, this group felt sheltered and even deceived.  

The least vulnerable were those who had not only been warned about bad arguments they’d hear but were also taught how to respond. In fact, they were warned they may face additional bad arguments. In other words, they were prepared to be aware and vigilant.  

This experiment demonstrates that the method many Christian parents and churches use to pass on the faith, reinforcement without seriously countering ideas, is doomed to fail. In fact, it may leave young people more vulnerable to lies. We need to equip our kids to think for themselves. 

This requires courage. It also requires confidence that the truth is, well, true, and that answers can be found. The good news is that we live in an age of answers, in which most issues have not only been thoroughly addressed from a Christian worldview but are widely available.  

Andrew and Christian Walker take this approach in their new book What Do I Say When...? This is a book from a mom and dad doing it right, committed to helping their children come to a solid faith in Christ. To receive a copy, give a gift of any amount to the Colson Center during the month of October. Visit colsoncenter.org/october.