Why Fathers Matter

Author: John Stonestreet

No one felt compelled to make the case that mothers matter until the onset of same-sex “marriage.” Only within the last decade have we pretended that the ones who physically bear and nurture children, who do the most listening and worrying, who are the first ones small kids run to when they’re hurt or scared, are replaceable. It’s ridiculous, really; as ridiculous as the photos of two men laying in a hospital bed as if either of them had given birth. 

Mothers matter, but so do fathers. The importance of fathers was overlooked by social science research, until recent decades. But study after study reveals ways that dads are uniquely significant and integral to their children’s growth and wellbeing. In fact, the research clearly shows not only that moms and dads matter, but that the differences between moms and dads matter. 

Years ago, I interviewed one of the early voices to make this case to a secular audience. The late Paul Raeburn normally wrote about research and discoveries from the hard sciences, such as chemistry, physics, and biology. He wrote for popular publications like The New York Times, Science, Psychology Today, and others. However, in 2014, Raeburn detoured into the social sciences to explore the topic of fatherhood. When I asked why, he told me, “I’ve got five kids, and I wanted to know if I mattered.” 

His conclusion, detailed in his book, Do Fathers Matter? was a resounding “yes.” Fathers, he found, contribute far more than genes and hopefully a paycheck. Drawing on the work of neuroscientists, animal behaviorists, geneticists, and developmental psychologists, Raeburn showed that fathers make a difference at every stage of a child’s development, from conception through adulthood. Dads are a source of physiological, psychological, and social stability that children carry with them throughout their lives. 

Today, new research continues to affirm and expand Raeburn’s conclusions. For instance, a study from researchers at the University of Virginia and Hampton University found that disparities in academic performance between students of different races and ethnicities essentially disappeared if fathers were present in the home. The presence of dad also eliminated racial gaps in behavior issues in school, implying that father absence is almost certainly the main driver of such problems. 

Involved fathers are especially important for girls’ mental health. Female students with disengaged or absent fathers are diagnosed with depression and are at risk of self-harm at a rate 10 times their peers. This aligns with abundant prior research demonstrating that girls with uninvolved dads show far higher rates of promiscuity and risky sexual behavior, including teen pregnancy. In other words, the best way to address behavioral and academic issues among adolescents is by encouraging fathers to stay married and stay involved. 

The mechanisms behind the amazing difference that dads make begin well before adolescence and high school, to early childhood. Writing at the Institute for Family Studies, Jay Fagan and Glen Palm explored how fathers build attachment with their infants differently than mothers, typically relying on “rough-and-tumble” play to establish emotional security and a foundation for future learning. 

Research confirms that when a dad throws a cackling baby in the air or chases a toddler around on all fours until both collapse in fits of laughter, it shapes the child’s emotional regulation. Researchers describe the unique kind of attachment created by these kinds of behaviors “secure exploration,” which encourages children to explore the world with less anxiety, confident they have a secure refuge to return to and someone to help them make sense of what they learn. Secure exploration jump-starts children into mastering hard or frustrating tasks and helps them understand the dynamics and boundaries of healthy relationships. 

As Fagan and Palm wrote: 

The term “activation relationship” describes the emotional bond between fathers and children that enables the child to feel safe to take both physical and social risks and explore their environment . … When fathers interact with sensitivity and warmth, they provide a secure base for exploration and encourage children to go out into the world and then come back to share with [their] fathers. 

This should all make sense to Christians, of course. Scripture describes God as a loving Father who designed the human family around the distinct-but-essential contributions of both male and female. Children thrive with involved fathers and mothers because the two are not the same, and that’s the way they were designed. 

Thankfully, research is catching up on what children already knew—that the “overlooked parent,” as Raeburn called dads, are essential. So, as Katy Faust wrote for the Greater Than campaign this week… 

• To the dads who toss a toddler in the air at the airport while every mother in the terminal holds her breath.
• To the dads who rev the engine a little too loudly and teach a son how to drive the stick-shift before their feet can even reach the pedals.
• To the dads who throw the ball in the backyard until it's too dark to see it, and then throw a few more. 
• To the dads who play "house" with their daughters and teach them how to dance.
• To the dads who say "rub some dirt on it," and mean it as love. 
• To the dads who teach a son how to be a man, and teach a daughter exactly how a man should treat her. 

To all the dads committed to being the dad God made them to be, Happy Father’s Day.